what am i doing?

what am i doing at here? it's not easy to live. i don't like here but i don't complete my goal yet. it's so boring and exhausting. what should i do? how can i refill my energy.sometime i really want to go back thai to see my parents and may be i don't want to come back here again. Ohh! im fed up! Is there anyone hear me? i feel confused why it doesn't like my first thinking. i don't know that how long i can stay here. Is this my design?God!!!
i think these have to spent time. it cann't change. my life has to continue, i've done it the best.what dose something occur, it occurs. i think that im not bad luck guy. i hope that my life would be better in soon. Good luck, I' poor Art....

I believe in my potential

this night, i feel that it has something occur in my mind. i feel no energy, no power, hopeless. i feel that my goal of life is far from this moment.why?what's going on.i khow it difficult to do it and i struggle to do it.now i feel that it's not development enough that i can get it. may be i effort too small...
...However, i still believe in my potential that i can do it and i can excellent successful. i didn't a normal person, so i must do it more and more. i hungry my achievement, i wanna see in soon, and i believe that the day is cooming. noew i am refilling my energy to fight with the big friction that is enamy that is not easy to win. right, it's my lazy.
But i insist that i believe in my potential and didn't have any day that i will give up........

My feeling at the moment.

this moment i feel confused with my emotion. i alway think of someone who didn't graduate from the best university and also pubile university. she educate only undergraduate from the college which is normal and not famous at all, but why she make me think of her everynight. i can't respond myself. Possible, i feel alone at here, i live far from my country, i want to sex with her. she look beautiful and white clean skill and good smell. i feel so good when i stay with her. i want to hug, kiss, and do everything that the men want to do with the girl. her personality is freshy i can observe from her laugh and her face. i ever stay with her 3 times befoer i have lived here. i think that she make me fell in love or make me crazy.i khow she wasn't a good girl and i know she also has many boy who likes her. i think that it's same reason with me and it's not strange that many men like her because she is full charming, interesting, and friendly with many men. i ask meself again that i wanna won every men or not? i can do it, can't i? but now i only know that i'm really happy when i talk with her until some time i 'm unconcious and think that i wanna to back Thai only in order to see her, hug her, and nothing to say,eventually,i come back to California again....it is a moment of my life in the United State.